Burnout wasn’t the failure

Last week I spoke at Pizza for Losers - an event that encourages vulnerability, authenticity and joy. It’s almost the opposite of a conference. Rather than talking about ways we’ve succeeded, speakers talk about ways they’ve failed.

I spoke about the time in September 2022, I found myself in A&E in serious bodily pain from a condition doctors were very clear was due to stress... and all I wanted was to get back to my work inbox.

A particular corporate engagement event was at a make or break point, and it felt incredibly important. It took my sister snatching my laptop out of my hands in the hospital to bring me to my senses. I reflected on that journey, and how being hospitalised wasn’t the failure. It was believing three central lies that got me there. 

Lie 1: There’s no such thing as ‘enough’ in fundraising.

The problem with fundraising is that we’re trying to do things like beat disease and end homelessness, but when you walk home from a hugely successful event you walk past proof it hasn’t happened yet. As such, when we meet a target we’re often given a reward of… a higher target. 

The first time I burned out (of… a few) I’d actually hit my target two months earlier and immediately doubled it. But when there’s no such thing as enough, it’s impossible to switch off. You chip away at your energy levels until the only thing that’s not enough is how much there is left of you to give. 

Lie 2: My value comes from my work.

When asked to introduce myself, I almost always mention that I’m a fundraising consultant first - and many times, that’s the only identity I give. But I’m also a foodie, a dungeon crawler carl fan, a cat lover, a traveller… and there’s a huge danger in allowing myself to be reduced to a single identity.

They’ve actually studied burnout on olympians and it shows that one of the best ways to prevent burnout is to have an identity outside your job. That’s why you often see Tom Daley knitting at the olympics - not just because it’s cute (though it is), but because he doesn’t want to be just a diver. He’s more than that, and everyone knows it. 

One of the most useful tools I’ve come across is an identity audit - setting an intention for the next day about 3 identities you’ll hold. That way, even if you’re a parent, and you put ‘fundraiser’ and ‘mum’, there still has to be a slot for something that’s just you. 

Lie 3: There’ll be room for joy later.

And this is probably the biggest one… I’ve always been good at putting things off for later. I’ve wanted to go to Canada since I was 18: I picked the university I went to because they offered a gap year programme in Canada. But when the time came, I had to choose between being president of the student fundraising society and going to Canada… and I chose the student fundraising society.

It worked out! Here I am, in my own fundraising agency. But I’ve still never been to Canada - because once I’d put it off, it was easy to say I’d do it after the next promotion or big project. Slowly, I started putting off small joys too.

But when my incredible colleague Lisa Clavering coached me at the start of Fireside Fundraising, we built the company around joy being baked into the process. It’s not the reward anymore, it’s the process itself - hence the silly photoshops on LinkedIn and the unusual ways we run workshops to get the best out of people. 

And when we made room for all those small joys, my nervous system realised it was safe for big joy too - and last week, I finally booked my trip to Canada. 

If you want help defining enough, or exploring who you might be as a corporate fundraiser, our doors are open - we do group training, coaching and target setting - but we also just do having a coffee and a chat. 

For those of you who were at Pizza for Losers, it was great to see you - for those who weren’t, I hope this gives you a decent flavour of the event.